Understanding what drives bullies can help us defeat their behaviour
Bullying is extremely harmful but being the meanie can’t be much fun either. Experts suggest that empathy and understanding what makes bullies tick is key to changing their behaviour – here’s how
READING LEVEL: GREEN
We all know what bullying is. It’s not a one-off blow-up and it’s not two strong personalities clashing. And it’s definitely not “just having a joke.”
Bullying is what happens when someone with more power (social, physical, professional or psychological*) uses it to chip away at someone else, on purpose and more than once.
Sometimes bullying is obvious: insults, threats, public humiliation.
But more often, it’s subtle*.
The student frozen out of the group chat. The eye-roll. The smirk. The “I was only joking” that dodges accountability*.
That’s how bullying survives: hidden in humour, disguised as toughness, excused as culture.
In schools, it damages confidence at the very age confidence should grow.
Bullying thrives wherever we look the other way.
At its core, bullying isn’t about conflict, it’s about power.
School culture isn’t defined by the loudest voice in the classroom or the most physical child in the playground but by what the school community tolerates*.
This is true in the classroom, on the sporting field and throughout our lives.
When we shrug it off, we allow it. But when we call it out, we change it.
Two hundred years ago, British politician William Wilberforce (1759- 1833) spent decades leading the movement to abolish* the Atlantic slave trade, which the society of the day considered a “normal” part of the economy.
He believed civility wasn’t just manners or politeness, but the courage to stand up for those who couldn’t defend themselves.
The truth of Wilberforce’s belief has not changed, and in Australia, we can do better even today.
Bullying isn’t just playground drama. It shows up in class, on sporting fields, in neighbourhood streets and online feeds.
But there is hope in prevention, not simply in consequences once bullying has already happened.
We can all help build schools and communities where empathy is taught, courage is practised and connection is valued.
Where kindness is not dismissed as naive but recognised as strength. Where bystanders become allies.
When we do that, long-term bullying and the deep harm it causes are far less likely to take root.
The numbers behind the problem
Bullying is far too common in Australian schools, with between a quarter and half of students reporting experiencing it. Online harassment affects a significant minority.
Bullying is not rare – and it impacts mental health, productivity and trust.
Why people bully
Understanding bullying does not excuse it, but to reduce it, we need to understand it.
Research suggests bullying is often driven by insecurity, fear or unmet emotional needs rather than any inherent qualities.
Masking insecurity: People who feel inadequate may bully to regain a sense of control or superiority.
Fear of vulnerability: Targeting someone else deflects attention from their own weaknesses.
Cultural influence: Harsh and exclusionary settings can sometimes result in bullying being used as a survival strategy. Punishment alone changes behaviour temporarily but culture change can banish bullying for good.
Turn knowledge into action
We can all choose differently.
By fostering empathy, courage and resilience, we create communities where people thrive, not just survive.
If you’re being bullied, start by recognising it for what it is: repeated, unreasonable behaviour used to intimidate or diminish. It is never a reflection of your own worth.
Please tell someone you trust if you’re being bullied. Keep a record of what is happening. Being bullied is very stressful. You may lose appetite, have tummy pains or have poor sleep. Listen to your body and take extra care of yourself.
Stand up. Speak out. Model kindness.
Communities flourish when people face discomfort.
Strong cultures are built on honesty and understanding what harms us and choosing to do better.
Progress is rarely loud, it is steady and principled, and begins with ordinary kids and grown ups refusing to normalise or accept what we all know is wrong.
When that becomes the standard of behaviour, bullying loses its oxygen.
Dr Eamonn McCarthy is chief psychologist at Mind Your Monkey Psychology and Anita Pahor is CEO. This opinion piece has been edited for Kids News by the editor.
POLL
GLOSSARY
- psychological: relating to the mind or mental activity
- subtle: not obvious in any way
- accountability: being responsible for what you do
- tolerate: to allow, permit or put up with something
- abolish: to put a permanent stop to something, to finish or end a practice completely
EXTRA READING
Dolly’s Dream a ‘Beacon’ of hope
Strong bonds the secret to good social health
Karate kid fights back on bullying
QUICK QUIZ
- Roughly what proportion of Australian kids experience bullying?
- Who was William Wilberforce and to which cause did he dedicate himself?
- Research suggests bullying is often driven by what factors?
- At its core, what is bullying about?
- What is school culture defined by, according to the authors?
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CLASSROOM ACTIVITIES
1. What is most important?
What do you think is the most important message or idea in this story? Write it down. Then write the reasons why you have chosen this.
Time: allow at least 20 minutes on this activity
Curriculum Links: English, Health and Physical Education, Personal and Social Capability
2. Extension
If a kid in your class finds out that one of their best friends is bullying another kid, what do you think they should do? Write a list of actions that you think they could take to help stop the bullying.
Time: allow at least 20 minutes on this activity
Curriculum Links: English, Health and Physical Education, Personal and Social Capability
VCOP ACTIVITY
Imaginative dialogue
Imagine you are witness to a bullying event at your school.
Create a conversation between two characters – you may need or want to include yourself as one of them. Don’t forget to try to use facts and details from the article to help make your dialogue as realistic as possible.
Go through your writing and highlight any punctuation you have used in green. Make sure you carefully check the punctuation used for the dialogue and ensure you have opened and closed the speaking in the correct places.